Hello Muriel,

When do you know enough is enough?  I mean form every aspect, dealing  

with clients at work, or dealing with a partner, or a mother with a  

kid - when do you draw the line because you just cant take it anymore?  

Do you keep trying to make things work, or is that an illusion? Do you  

listen to your gut, or do you listen to your mind. When is enough,  

enough?

Thanks,

Thomas

Hello Thomas,

Sounds like you have already reached the end of your tolerance level.

Once you start feeling like a door mat, frustrated, nervous and as if no one is listening to you, it is probably because they are not listening to you.

If this is you, well you are probably one of life’s nice gentlemen, however you might have a problem with saying one word ‘NO’. It is a difficult word to learn for most of us but once you do, your life will change.

Start tomorrow, just say ‘NO’, don’t qualify it with “Sorry but I can’t,” don’t answer the question “Why Not!!” simply repeat “NO.” 

If there is someone in particular who you find rude, intimidating or threatening, say to them “When you say …. ! I really feel quite uncomfortable, would you mind repeating that but rephrasing it first.” If they say the same thing again, you simply reply with asking them to repeat and rephrase. That will knock their socks off.

Never say to another person “you make me mad, you make me sad,” because no one can ‘make’ you feel these emotions.

Delete the word ‘make.’ You feel these emotions because you can’t cope with other people’s behavior. This is usually about your self-esteem and lack of assertiveness.

If you can have a couple of sessions with a therapist, learning the word “No” is best achieved through role play. Two sessions should do it.

Good luck Thomas and thank you for your letter.